


Communication

by PaperDaydream



Category: Supernatural
Genre: A teeny bit of plot, Annoying Gabriel, Cas tries text language, Charlie Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Everyone Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Humor, M/M, Texting, antics, cas gets a phone
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-12
Updated: 2015-06-04
Packaged: 2018-01-24 11:01:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 6,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1602803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaperDaydream/pseuds/PaperDaydream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean gets Cas a phone, and antics ensue. Gabriel plays tricks, everyone ships Destiel, and Cas attempts to master "the native tongue of the cellular phone."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically going to be something I work on when normal, sensible ideas escape me. It's not really working towards any plot in particular, just good old random crazy humor. With that in mind, enjoy! It's actually been fun to write.

Hey Cas, look! I get to send you your first text! Welcome to the modern world. -Dean

Thank you Dean. I look forward to this new experience. I am curious how so many humans have spent so much time on these devices. -Cas

Well, it's a convenient way to talk, especially when you're gone off to who knows where all the time. -Dean

I am fighting wars, Dean. -Cas

Yeah sure.  Whatever. Come home sometimes at least. -Dean

Home? -Cas

Wait -Dean

No -Dean

Shit -Dean

That's not what I meant -Dean

Oh. I see. -Cas

No, wait -Dean

Dammit -Dean

I mean, it could be.  You know... If you wanted it to be. -Dean

Cas? -Dean

You would really do that for me? -Cas

Yeah. Of course, Cas. You're family now. -Dean

...I will see you this afternoon. -Cas

Yeah. Sure. I'll find you a room. -Dean

If you really want to be here, I mean. -Dean

I mean you don't have to feel obligated -Dean

Dean -Cas

Yeah? -Dean

Thank you. -Cas

Yeah, of course.  It's nothing.  See you later. -Dean

Goodbye, Dean. -Cas


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel is up to his old tricks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For our purposes, Gabe is alive for real and Cas already knows. Yep. Because I like Gabriel, and I don't want him to be dead.

Hey baby bro! Why didn't you tell me you got a phone? -The Awesome One

Hello, Gabriel. -Cas

Hahaha, this is great ... ;) -The Gabe Master

Quit using magic to change your name on my phone. -Cas

Why should I?  -Trickstah

Because it is annoying.  -The Boring One

Gabriel! -Not As Cool as Gabriel

Hahahaha, what's wrong, Cassie? Why don't you just change it? -The Funniest Angel in Heaven

I don't know how. -Overgrown Cherub

Gabriel, stop it. _-_ No Sense of Humor

GABRIEL! -Cassie Cassie, Lame and Sassy

That is not even funny.  - Yes It Is

This is why I never tell you about these things. -Jealous of Gabe 's Wit

Aw, come on baby bro! Give us a laugh!  -The Gabester

No, I will not, because this is immature and not even funny. -Totally In Love With Dean Winchester

That was out of line! -But Gabriel Is Right Tho

I hate you.  -LOL

What is LOL? -Little Nerd

Gabriel? -I'll Let You Ask Dean-o That One

You don't tell me what to do! -Dude, I'm An Archangel


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean witnesses Gabriel and Castiel's signature war.

Dean? -Castiel Quit Ignoring Me

Cas...? -Dean

Dude, what's with the signature? -Ooh This Will Be Fun

What the hell?! -Grumpypants

Just ignore it, Dean. -C'mon Cassie

Um, okay? -Dean-osaurus Rex

I had a question for you. -Caaaaaaas

Seriously Gabriel? If you were any more immature, you would be Lucifer. -Spoil Sport

Oh. Everything makes sense now! -That Human You're In Love With

Oh, it is on! -Oh Shit

Sorry, what? -Dean-o

This doesn't concern you, Dean! -Awww

GABRIEL!!! -Okay, I'm Going To Go Disappear Now

...'kay. Talk to you later, Cas. -Dean Help He's Going to Kill Me


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel asks Dean about the definition of "LOL." Telling him may not be the best idea.

Hello, Dean. -Cas

Hey Cas. How went things with Gabe? -Dean

As you may have noticed, he is no longer changing our signatures. -Cas

Yeah. I did. How'd you manage that?  -Dean

I have my ways. -Cas

He's planning something else, isn't he?  - Dean

That is highly probable. -Cas

Well. Good luck with that.  -Dean

Thank you, Dean -Cas

Yeah, sure. -Dean

Dean? -Cas

Yeah Cas? -Dean

What is the meaning of LOL? -Cas

Hahahaha -Dean

Where'd you hear that? -Dean

Gabriel. What is it? Was it some sort of insult? -Cas

No, Cas. Don't worry. That's just text lingo for laugh out loud. -Dean

Oh. That's good. -Cas

I was unaware that texting came with its own language. -Cas

Yeah. Well, sort of. Mostly just for teenaged girls. -Dean

I will do my best to achieve fluency. -Cas

Well, this should be good. -Dean


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam texts Cas, but it would seem that he's going through some weird phase.

Hey Castiel. Dean just told me he bought you a phone, and I thought I'd text you to give you my number.  You know, because we're also friends and stuff. -Sam

IKR -Cas

Um, did you just…? -Sam

Cas, that doesn't even make any sense. -Sam

Why aren't you responding? -Sam

Dammit, this is going to be just like praying to you, isn't it? -Sam

My apologies, Sam.  I am trying to find an appropriate phrase to describe what I am thinking in texting language, but it is very complex. I will keep looking. -Cas

Seriously? -Sam

Did Dean teach you this? -Sam

Um... TBH yes. -Cas

Sort of. -Cas

Wait -Cas

OMG? -Cas

No, that doesn't make any sense either. -Sam

Dammit. -Cas

And there's yet another example of how Dean is a terrible influence. -Sam

Dean says that only nerds and young children do not swear. I am not a young child. -Cas

Yeah, I know. Don't listen to Dean.  He's just being dumb. - Sam

You also swear all the time. - Cas

Yeah, well that's different.  -Sam

Why? -Cas

I mean... WTF? -Cas

Please, not that one! -Sam

Sam, I need to be fluent in the language of texting if I intend to use a phone. -Cas

Whatever. I don't want to be responsible for corrupting an angel!  Does Dean want to go back to hell? -Sam

No, I do not believe that he does. -Cas

That was rhetorical, Cas. -Sam

Oh. -Cas

FML -Cas

Seriously, stop! -Sam

I will not. -Cas

WHY NOT? -Sam

Because YOLO, Sam! -Cas

Nope nope nope nope nope I'm done! -Sam

Call me when you're done with this... text language phase. -Sam

Kk -Cas

TTYL -Cas


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley comes in.

Hey feathers! Guess who! -Crowley

Your signature tells me you're Crowley. -Cas

Really? -Crowley

Dammit -Crowley

LOL -Cas

Dare I ask? -Crowley

YOLO -Cas

Yeah... It would seem that your mind has flown the coop again. -Crowley

Ugh, I can't mess with you when you're crazy!  That's no fun at all! -Crowley

Call me when you find your marbles.  -Crowley

OMG I am not crazy! -Cas

TBH I'm k -Cas

FML -Cas

Seriously, what would your father think? -Crowley

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley goes to Dean to ask him to fix Castiel.

Squirrel, we need to talk about your boyfriend. -Crowley

Yeah? What about him? -Dean

I mean... What? I don't have a boyfriend! What boyfriend? -Dean

Yeah, that's convincing. How did he get all bonkers this time? -Crowley

Angel stuff? Please don't tell me those slimy Leviathan are back! -Crowley

? -Dean

What? No! We took care of those stupid sons of bitches! -Dean

And Cas isn't crazy...? -Dean

Oh yeah? Then why is an angel using the phrase "yolo”? -Crowley

What? -Dean

Dude, yolo is lame. And untrue. I've died plenty of times! -Dean

Yeah. Well. Get him to stop texting me three letter sentences, or so help me I will end him, crazy or not! -Crowley

Ugh, why am I always the one who has to do these things?! -Dean

Hey, he's your angel! -Crowley


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean talks to Cas, as Crowley suggested.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As cherrywine suggested, I will try using more spacing this time. Thanks for your support everyone! If you have any thoughts, don't hesitate to drop me a comment.

Castiel, we need to talk. -Dean

K, 'sup? -Cas

Wow. Okay. We REALLY need to talk! -Dean

Kk, WBU? -Cas

Dude, that doesn't make sense. -Dean

Srry -Cas

Yeah... So I see you're studying text language then, huh? -Dean

Totes -Cas

Yeah... Okay then. Let me tell you something about the art of texting, Cas. -Dean

If you abbreviate everything, people are going to get really annoyed. -Dean

It's better if you only do it every so often, you get me? -Dean

Oh. -Cas

I apologize, Dean. This language has proven difficult to master, especially because angels just inherently know most languages from the very origin of their existence. -Cas

Yeah. Sure. That's fine. You don't have to use it all the time though, not like a regular language. Only where it makes sense. -Dean

I appreciate your help, Dean. I promise I will try even harder to achieve proficiency at this. -Cas

Yep. Glad to be of assistance. -Dean

TTYL, Dean. -Cas

Yeah. TTYL, Cas. -Dean


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter Charlie, who may or may not be scheming with Sam.

Castiel! Hi! You don't know me, but I'm Charlie. I'm friends with Dean. -Charlie

Hello, Charlie. A friend of the Winchesters is a friend of mine. Usually. I hope you realize that I will have to remain suspicious of you for the moment due to the questionable choice in friends they have introduced to me in the past. -Cas

Noted. -Charlie

Good. -Cas

So... Castiel... -Charlie

That is my name, yes. -Cas

That's not your name in your signature. Who did that for you? Dean? -Charlie

Yes, Dean set that up for me. He has helped me a lot with the complexities of using a phone. -Cas

Aww! That was sweet of him. Don't you think? -Charlie

Yes. I do think. Dean is a very helpful friend. He has taught me much about humanity. -Cas

Hahaha, I'm sure! -Charlie

Can I ask you something, Cas? -Charlie

You just did, but I suppose you have permission to ask another something. -Cas

Okay. Do you like Dean? -Charlie

Of course. -Cas

I knew it! :D -Charlie

I would have thought it obvious. -Cas

I thought so too, but apparently it's not so obvious to Dean. -Charlie

Dean unfortunately has a very low opinion of himself. -Cas

Yeah, he does. But you don't have a low opinion of him? -Charlie

Of course not. Dean and I share a sort of profound bond. He means everything to me. -Cas

Ah ha! I was right all along! -Charlie

Yes. Dean and I are very good friends. -Cas

Oh. -Charlie

Okay, whatever. Talk to you later, Cas. -Charlie

I believe the term is 'TTYL' in the native tongue of the cellular phone. -Cas

Fine. TTYL. -Charlie

K, bye! -Cas


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie and Sam discuss their evil plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a short chapter that goes with the last one. Sorry it's so short. There will be more soon.

I told you talking to Cas would get you nowhere. -Sam

Shut up. -Charlie

You owe me ten bucks. -Sam

I'm still not giving up. You just wait. -Charlie

Like I said, I've been waiting for years. Good luck. You're going to need it. -Sam

We'll see. -Charlie


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas gets a very mysterious series of texts from the deepest pits of hell.

Hello? Is anyone there? -(sent from an unidentified long-distance number)

Hello? Who is this? -Cas

This is Adam Milligan. -(sent from an unidentified long-distance number)

Oh -Cas

Well this is awkward. -Cas

Can you please help me? -Adam

Uh... -Cas

Please. Just one little thing. Call Sam or Dean Winchester and give them this one message. -Adam

"This is your brother, Adam. I am still in hell. Please pull me out." -Adam

Please. I'm begging you. This is the only contact I've had with the outside world in forever. -Adam

My apologies, but I do not think anything can be done. -Cas

??! -Adam

Sorry... What? -Adam

What does that even mean? -Adam

Uh... YOLO? -Cas

Trust me when I say that now is really not the time for jokes. -Adam

How would you know if anything can be done, anyway? Just pass on the damn message. -Adam

I would rather not remind the Winchesters of this. -Cas

Well I would rather not spend eternity in the pit with freaking Lucifer! -Adam

Wait- you know those assholes?! -Adam

Don't talk about the Winchesters that way. -Cas

You are already in hell, but trust me when I say that I can always make things worse for you. -Cas

Sorry, what?! -Adam

Look you ungrateful little traitor, you have no right to say a single word against the Winchesters! They tried to reach out to you, and you betrayed them, and now you dare to expect any favors? -Cas

Uh, yeah! They are my brothers! They went on and on about how family looks out for each other, and look at me now! -Adam

You don't know as much as you think you know, Adam Milligan. Dean tried to help you. He summoned Death himself to help you, but Death refused. -Cas

What? Seriously? He summoned Death? -Adam

He did. Dean is a good man. Do not speak so ill of him. He does that often enough himself. -Cas

I guess. -Adam

Yeah. You'd better. -Cas

So who are you, anyway? -Adam

Wait... Cas... Castiel! You're that angel! -Adam

I am. -Cas

Man, your brothers suck! -Adam

You are the one who had to go and say yes to Michael. Don't act as though you are the victim here. -Cas

What part of "in hell" don't you get? I never even got to see my mom! -Adam

I have been to hell. Trust me when I say that I still feel no sympathy for you after what you did. You have not seen just how dire the consequences of your actions were. -Cas

So what do I do now?! -Adam

Enjoy your eternal damnation. -Cas

Can you at least say hi to my brothers for me? -Adam

No. Goodbye, Adam. -Cas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that I absolutely adore Adam, and I personally do not mean this chapter as an attack on him. I do, however, desire an explanation for his long stay in hell, so this was born. This plotline may come up again later. We'll see. Also, this may seem pretty cold of Cas, but when you think about it, if Adam never said yes to Michael, Sam wouldn't have been forced to say yes to Lucifer, and imagine all the crises that could have been averted. (Sam's soullessness and insanity after being pulled from the pit and Castiel's own insanity come to mind.)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and Gadreel conspire against Metatron.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this is just a short one. I'm posting more right now though.

This is my number. Text me updates on Metatron's activities.  -Cas

I will do my best Castiel, but this still feels wrong.  -Gadreel

Trust me. You are making the right decision.  -Cas

You can still earn your redemption. -Cas

That does sound nice, but spying? - Gadreel

Just do it. - Cas

Fine, but if this goes horribly wrong... - Gadreel

It won't.  - Cas


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Metatron?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is even shorter, sorry. If you haven't noticed though, I'm separating chapters by conversation. I'm going to post at least a couple more today though.

How's it feel to be the villain, Castiel? -Metatron

How did you get this number? I am blocking you. -Cas


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel demands an explanation.

Gadreel, I did not give you permission to give Metatron my number. -Cas

He has your number? -Gadreel

Yes! -Cas

Oh -Gadreel

Uh oh -Gadreel

Oops -Gadreel

What? Why oops?! -Cas

Uh... Metatron may or may not have gotten ahold of my phone yesterday... - Gadreel

WHAT?! WHAT DID HE SEE? - Cas

It's okay, it's okay! I deleted our last conversation!  -Gadreel

Good. I would hate to find that your loyalties are wavering again. -Cas

I apologize, Castiel. I did not mean to fail you. -Gadreel

See that you don't. -Cas


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean invites Cas over for dinner.

Hey Cas, pop in at the bunker if you're up for dinner and pie with me. -Dean

AND SAM! Me AND Sam! -Dean

I do not require sustenance to live, Dean. -Cas

And were you aware that your caps lock is on? -Cas

Oh, haha, look at that. Yep. Caps lock... -Dean

We're having burgers. -Dean

I will see you momentarily. -Cas


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Metatron discovers Castiel's weakness.

Gadreel,  guess what?! I found Castiel's weakness! -Metatron

Really? What is it? -Gadreel

He's in love -Metatron

Yeah, duh. Everyone knows that.  -Gadreel

...with HUMANITY!  -Metatron

... -Gadreel

... -Gadreel

Wow. -Gadreel

Well, I'm on the losing side. -Gadreel

Excuse me, what was that Gadreel? -Metatron

I quit, you stupid idiot. -Gadreel

What?! -Metatron

I QUIT -Gadreel

No, you wouldn't quit. -Metatron

Well I just did, sooo.... -Gadreel

Fine, be that way!  -Metatron

Guess I won't tell you those great jokes that made God laugh! -Metatron

You are not even funny! -Gadreel

Daddy never loved you. -Gadreel

Fine! I hate you too! -Metatron

Go ahead and be evil again! -Metatron

At least I won't be you.  Humanity? Really? -Gadreel

Wow -Gadreel

Much fail, Metatron.  -Gadreel

Much fail. -Gadreel

Is that how you make use of text language? Castiel has been teaching me. -Gadreel

GASP! You little traitor! -Metatron

You will both pay dearly for this. -Metatron


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is not pleased by Castiel's alliance with Gadreel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place after the events of s9 ep22, Stairway to Heaven.

OMD, I cannot believe this is happening! -Cas

OMD? -Dean

Oh My Dad -Cas

Yeah. Well. Thanks for not 'punishing' me. -Dean

You are welcome, Dean. I could never regret the decision to save you. -Cas

Well. Thanks anyway. It can't have been easy. -Dean

They are my brothers and sisters, Dean. -Cas                                            

Hello, Castiel. -Gadreel

Um, how did you enter this conversation? -Cas

Castiel, I have considered your offer, and decided to accept. -Gadreel

Wait, what? -Dean

Offer? You're making offers to Gadreel?! Dude, he killed Kevin! -Dean

Look Dean, Gadreel is useful. -Cas

Yeah, to Metatron! -Dean

Dean. I will handle this. -Cas

Don't bother. -Dean

Dean -Cas

Dean, what are you doing? -Cas

WE NEED HIM! -Cas

Gee, thanks little brother. Really feeling the love. -Gadreel

Gadreel, you have to run. -Cas

I am not afraid of your boyfriend, Castiel. -Gadreel

He has the first blade. -Cas

Oh shit -Gadreel

You know, maybe I don't want to switch sides after all. -Gadreel

Gadreel, so help me I will tell Dean where all of your hiding places are! -Cas

Duly noted. I am running. -Gadreel


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie continues her campaign to make Dean and Castiel fall in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, as always! And as always, I'd like to remind you that comments are helpful and welcome. If there's something you particularly like, such as a character you want to see more of, be sure to tell me because I'm mostly just making this up as I go, and I don't really know what works. You guys are the best! Thanks!

So, I heard you bought Castiel a phone. -Charlie

Uh, yeah. I did. Figured it would be a good way to stay in touch with the guy while he's off taking care of angel business. Why? -Dean

So what you're saying is that you did it because you miss him? -Charlie

Well I guess. He's family. -Dean

Really? Is he now? -Charlie

What kind of family, Dean? Come on, you can tell me. -Charlie

What the hell are you implying? -Dean

Whatever the hell I need to imply to get you to stop being in deanial! -Charlie

What? -Dean

OMFG! THAT WAS SERIOUSLY THE BEST! I MEANT TO TYPE DENIAL, BUT I ACCIDENTALLY TYPE DEANIAL, AND OMG I THINK I HAVE A NEW FAVORITE TERM! THAT'S PERFECT!  -Charlie

Wait... what? -Dean

Wait... okay, just got that last part. Deanial? Really? -Dean

This is gold. - Charlie

Hahaha! Use it and you're dead. -Dean

Charming as ever, Dean, wow. It really is a wonder that you don't have a girlfriend like I do! - Charlie

Don't you rub Dorothy in my face! -Dean

But is that really the reason you don't have a girlfriend, Dean? -Charlie

What the hell is this conversation about, Charlie? -Dean

Have you been talking to Sam? -Dean

Why? Have you? Better yet, did you listen to Sam? -Charlie

...? - Dean

Just admit your feelings, Dean. It's not that hard, I swear. -Charlie

Sorry... What feelings are we talking about? -Dean

Charlie? -Dean

Ugh, I quit. -Charlie

Quit what??? -Dean

Charlie? -Dean

This isn't over, Dean Winchester! -Charlie

What isn't over? -Dean

Charlie? -Dean

You aren't going to answer me, are you? -Dean

Okay, bye! -Dean


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Charlie continue to discuss their evil plans.

 

So... Charlie...! -Sam

Shut up, Sam. I don't want to hear it. -Charlie

I didn't even say anything. -Sam

Haha, very funny. No doubt you heard that I talked to Dean. -Charlie

Yeah, he doesn't exactly seem like he got the message though, does he? -Sam

No, of course he didn't. -Charlie

Why is your brother such an emotionally stunted idiot? -Charlie

Beats me. Because he tries to be our dad? You're the one who tried to talk to him. -Sam

Well, you told me talking to Castiel was a dead end. -Charlie

It is. So is talking to Dean. -Sam

So what, we just have to stand by and endure their stupid staring forever? -Charlie

Yeah, basically. -Sam

You can bring my money next time you stop by. -Sam

No Sam, I won't, because I'm still not giving up! -Charlie

Well, you're persistent, I'll give you that. -Sam

We both know the feelings are there, Sam. All we need to do is make them confess. -Charlie

Yeah, and that's why I'm betting against you. -Sam

They're never going to confess, Charlie, you might as well admit it. Castiel is an angel who only recently discovered emotions, and probably doesn't even know that what he's feeling is love, and Dean is... well, Dean.  Getting him to admit that he feels something would be even harder. -Sam

You'll see.  You'll all see. -Charlie

I would love to see you prove me wrong, Charlie. Really, I would. It would be worth every penny. -Sam

Then prepare to pay up, Sam Winchester, because I'm raising the stakes! -Charlie

I'm listening. -Sam

30 bucks says I can get them to confess by the end of the month. -Charlie

Hmm, interesting wager, but I'll raise you further.  I'll bet 50 that you can't get them to go on an actual date with one additional week. -Sam

Keep your week, and make it 100. -Charlie

This is unwise on your part, Charlie. There's no way it's going to happen, and all I have to do is sit back and watch. -Sam

Make it 150. -Charlie

Done. -Sam

See you in a month to collect my payment.  -Charlie

Awesome. I win either way. -Sam

Mhmm. Who's the real angel in this family? -Charlie

Fair point. -Sam

Hey, Charlie. Good luck. You're going to need it. -Sam

We'll see.  -Charlie


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean discuss the Mark of Cain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last new chapter for today. (Sorry about the binge update.) Thank you all for sticking with me! We're approaching the season finale now as far as the timeline goes, so things are about to take a darker turn, but I'll try to keep up some humor to keep it reasonably light. So if you have not seen all of season 9... Major spoilers ahead! Maybe not so much in this chapter, but after this. Yep. You have been warned.

Dean, you need to get rid of that mark. I do not like what it is doing to you. -Cas

It's making me ready to fight Metatron, Cas. We need its power more than ever now. -Dean

Great power comes with great consequences. Trust me. I would know. -Cas

Cute. You should put that on a shirt. I'm keeping the mark. -Dean

Dean, for once could you please just listen to me? -Cas

Why should I? -Dean

Because, I am your friend, and we're worried about you. -Cas

We? Who's we? -Dean

You know... Me, Sam... Your family. -Cas

Funny how the list ends there. -Dean

No matter how many you kill, they are not coming back. -Cas

Make the right decision here, Dean. You are playing with a power even I don't understand. -Cas

I'm fine. Everything's under control. -Dean

Is it? -Cas

Look, do you want to defeat Metatron or not? -Dean

More than anything. -Cas

Well then, stop your whining. You do your job, I'll do mine. -Dean

Dean...! -Cas

Dean, I'm sorry.  I never should have let this happen. If I had only been there... -Cas (unsent)


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...And tragedy strikes. (You didn't think this would ALL be humor, did you?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler warning for 9X23

Lolz, your BF's dead! -Metatron

What? I thought I blocked your number! -Cas

And what does that even mean? -Cas

Come on, BF? Boyfriend? You really don't know this? -Metatron

I am new to texting language. As of now, I am also so repelled by your abhorrent usage of it that I will refrain from ever using it again. -Cas

Wait... DEAN! -Cas

Ah, so he admits it. -Metatron

WHAT DID YOU DO TO DEAN YOU ASSBUTT?! -Cas

Uh, killed him, obviously. Keep up. -Metatron

No -Cas

No no no no no no no... -Cas

Uh, yes yes yes yes yes yes yes? -Metatron

I WILL END YOU! -Cas

Awesome. Glad you see it my way. See you soon, Cassie! -Metatron

I CANNOT EVEN DESCRIBE TO YOU THE TORTURE YOU WILL ENDURE! -Cas

DEATH IS TOO KIND A FATE! -Cas

I am so glad I cast you as the villain! I'm brilliant. -Metatron

YOU ARE AN ABOMINATION UNWORTHY OF EVEN LUCIFER'S FATE IN THE DEEPEST PIT IN ALL OF HELL! -Cas

Excellent. -Metatron


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is Dean Winchester really dead?

Sam, is it true? Is Dean...? -Cas

You heard? How? -Sam

IS IT TRUE? IT'S NOT, IS IT? -Cas

Oh my god, Cas, I'm sorry.  It's true. I- I couldn't do anything. I'm sorry. -Sam

Cas...? You okay man? -Sam

I... Please, I have to see him. -Cas

Of course. I have him at the bunker. -Sam

Cas, I tried everything. I was going to bring him back, but Crowley wouldn't respond. -Sam

I do not blame you, Sam, nor should you blame yourself. You did all you could. -Cas

It doesn't matter. It wasn't enough. -Sam

I just... I can't... -Cas

I will see you in a moment. I just need to finish a few things up in heaven. Please wait for me. -Cas

Yeah, sure Cas. Of course. -Sam


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Training Dean to be a good demon is a bit of a struggle.

Full moon tonight. You know what that means. -Crowley

It means demons aren't made for howling any more than humans are. Why the hell must we do this? -Dean

Uh, because reasons! Don't question me, Greenhorn Demonic Underling! -Crowley

Wow, it's amazing how much more hatred I am capable of feeling towards you now. -Dean

Good, good. Very nice improvement, Dean. If you could just cultivate that feeling and aim it towards a better target, you would be a great, horrible demon in no time! -Crowley

Hip hip hooray. -Dean

Dean, what did I tell you about sassing me? I AM YOUR KING! -Crowley

Ugh, but you're so laaaaaame! -Dean

That's it. No flesh of the innocent for a week! -Crowley

But Croooooowleeeeeey! -Dean

Nope. You're just lucky I took you under my wing, Winchester. There were plenty of demons fighting over who could torture you first. -Crowley

Hmm, guess I'm just popular like that. -Dean

Hahaha, two weeks! And I'm taking your blade! -Crowley

NOOOOOO! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?! YOU'RE RUINING MY AFTERLIFE! -Dean

Ugh, why did I sign up for this? -Crowley

 


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Castiel continue to deal with the aftermath of Dean's death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another sad chapter. Sorry for any broken feels. And thank you guys for your comments! You are all amazing!

Cas? Hey, you going to get up any time soon? -Sam

Come on man, you can't just hide in your room forever. -Sam

Cas, come on. He's my brother. You think I'm not upset? We need to keep on living. -Sam

Come on Cas, think of heaven. You have to help them. -Sam

I have pie... You know, because... Anyway, I know you don't eat, but do you want some? -Sam

Come on, open the door! -Sam

Cas, it isn't healthy for you to do this! -Sam

Dammit, Cas! -Sam

Wow, if you'd only told Dean you felt this strongly... -Sam

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. -Sam

I'm sorry about everything. -Sam

Dude, it isn't like you've never seen death before. -Sam

Shouldn't this all feel insignificant to an angel or something? -Sam

Sorry, that was out of line. -Sam

How's your grace doing? -Sam

You know what could maybe help with that? Eating. You could try that. I'll try to find something that doesn't taste like molecules. -Sam

Fine. Be that way. -Sam

You could at least respond, you know. -Sam

I miss him too. -Sam

Cas, come on. Don't make me lose you too. -Sam

Okay. You leave me no choice. I'm going to break the door down. -Sam

Wait, Sam. Don't. -Cas

Castiel, what the hell?! You could have at least answered me once in a while! -Sam

I know. I am sorry, Sam. -Cas

So... How are you feeling? -Sam

Empty. Like everything I ever felt has just been sucked out of me. -Cas

Yeah, me too. -Sam

I have been thinking, Sam, and I don't like where it has taken me. -Cas

Oh. What have you been thinking about? Things that were? Things that might have been? -Sam

No. Mostly things that are. -Cas

I try not to think about that. That hurts more than anything. -Sam

Because Dean is dead. -Cas

Yeah. Because of that. -Sam

He's not, you know. -Cas

Cas, that's denial. It may feel good, but it won't help you in the long run. -Sam

No, really. He's not. That's why his body was missing. -Cas

No way. That's not true. Dean is dead. He died in my arms.  There could be tons of other reasons the body was missing. -Sam

Like what? -Cas

Like... like... -Sam

I don't know! Reasons! -Sam

Sam, Dean is alive. -Cas

Then why are you in there instead of finding him? -Sam

Because I am afraid of what I may find.  -Cas

You're afraid to be proven wrong. -Sam

No. I am afraid to be proven right. -Cas

Okay, you lost me. -Sam

Sam, Dean is alive, but if that is true, and he did in fact die in your arms, then he is not the man we knew. -Cas

What are you suggesting? -Sam

I had heard legends. I never mentioned them specifically because I never believed... -Cas

What legends? What kind of legends? -Sam

It was said that when Cain was in possession of the mark, he killed himself but he did not die. -Cas

WHAT?! WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?! -Sam

WE HAVE TO FIND HIM! -Sam

No -Cas

YES! -Sam

Sam -Cas

COME ON OUT, CAS! WE HAVE TO DO THIS! -Sam

He came back as a demon. -Cas

What? -Sam

No -Sam

No no no no no no no no no -Sam

No, that can't be true! -Sam

He can't be! -Sam

I wish I could agree with you, but all the evidence suggests otherwise. -Cas

I... I just... -Sam

I do not know what to do with this knowledge. I do not want to face it, Sam. Please, just let me stay in here, where I can pretend that everything's fine. -Cas

Hang on a minute. I need to process this. -Sam

You're not off the hook though, Cas. If he really is out there, even if he is a demon... We have to find him. -Sam

I won't give up on him again. -Sam

I don't want to either, but still I fear the day I see... -Cas

I do not know how much of Dean will be intact. -Cas

Then we'd better hurry, because guess who has a cure! -Sam

I can only hope that your cure will work, considering the circumstances. -Cas

But you'll come out? -Sam

I suppose it is time. -Cas

Let's find him. -Cas

 


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley continues to struggle with training demon!Dean, who is, as he comes to realize, a pretty useless crossroads demon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because you guys deserve a lighter chapter after that last one.

Squirrel –Crowley

Hey Crowley, what’s up? –Dean

Hell’s running low on soul power. How did striking deals go today? –Crowley

Oh, great! Yeah, made lots of deals today, you know me! –Dean

Unfortunately. –Crowley

Please tell me you did at least make one. –Crowley

I did! Really! –Dean

And we’re collecting in the usual 10 years I suppose? –Crowley

Oh no, I already collected! –Dean

Really? Good job, Squirrel! I knew you had it in you! –Crowley

Yep. I taught this ten-year-old kid to fight the bullies at his school, and he paid me in pie! It was a pretty sweet deal. –Dean

Dean –Crowley

Please tell me he didn’t just pay you in pie –Crowley

Hey, it was some damn good pie! –Dean

Really? What flavor? –Crowley

Blueberry! It was awesome! –Dean

Mmhm –Crowley

I know, right? -Dean

Wait, NO! That’s not okay, Squirrel! –Crowley

YOU NEED TO COLLECT PEOPLE’S SOULS, NOT THEIR MOTHER’S COOKING! –Crowley

Come on, Crowley! I couldn’t do that. He was just a kid! –Dean

YOU ARE A KNIGHT OF HELL! –Crowley

I still have a heart! –Dean

YOUR HEART STOPPED WHEN METATRON STABBED YOU! –Crowley

Well, that’s too bad! I’m not going to go around stealing poor unfortunate souls! –Dean

Please tell me that wasn’t a Little Mermaid reference. –Crowley

I’d love to, but unfortunately it was. Cas loves that movie. He made us watch the damn thing like 15 times in a row. I swear I have it memorized. –Dean

Well, I just threw up in my mouth a little. –Crowley

Just… Do better tomorrow. –Crowley

Eh… -Dean

Why should I? –Dean

Squirrel, believe me when I say that you will regret dearly the day that you decide to go against your king. –Crowley

Try me –Dean

“Dear Castiel, Dean Winchester has a massive crush on you…” –Crowley

You wouldn’t –Dean

Oh, I would! –Crowley

YOU SON OF A BITCH! –Dean

King of Hell, remember? –Crowley

I expect results tomorrow, Dean. Don’t let me down. –Crowley


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam makes a deal to get out of hell.

Adam –Cas

Castiel? –Adam

I need you to do me a favor. –Cas

Yeah? Why should I? –Adam

Because this is for your brother, not me, and I can give you directions out of the pit. –Cas

How would you know anything about escaping hell? –Adam

Who do you think dragged Sam’s sorry ass from perdition? –Cas

I’m listening, go on. –Adam

I need you to look for Dean in hell for me. –Cas

Dean? You mean my brother, Dean? Why would Dean be in hell? –Adam

It doesn’t matter. Will you do it? –Cas

I guess? –Adam

You guess? –Cas

Yeah, sure, alright, I’ll do anything! Just tell me how to get out of here! –Adam

Alright. I will send you the blueprints. –Cas

Seriously? There are blueprints of hell? –Adam

How else do you think it was made? Seriously, things like that require a little planning, Adam! Do you want them or not? –Cas

Oh no, I definitely want them! -Adam

1 attachment- Hell Blueprints.png –Cas

Awesome –Adam

Tell me if you find him. –Cas

Sure thing, thanks man! –Adam

Thank you, Adam Milligan. It is my hope that you may you prove yourself worthy of redemption. –Cas

Uh, okay then. Thanks, I guess. –Adam


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam does as Cas requested.

 Dean? –Adam

Who is this? –Dean

This is Adam Milligan. You know, your brother. –Adam

… -Dean

WAIT, ADAM?!?!?! –Dean

That’s really you? – Dean

The one and only –Adam

Oh shit, man! I’m sorry! I totally forgot about you! –Dean

Wow. Uh, ouch. –Adam

Oh no, I didn’t mean it like that! –Dean

Whatever. It’s not like I didn’t know that anyway. –Adam

It was only like 5 years in hell. No biggie. –Adam

I really am sorry, man. I should’ve tried harder to save you… -Dean

Whatever. What’s done is done. Not that you don’t deserve it, but I really don’t have the patience to deal with your self-loathing fest right now. –Adam

… -Dean

So what brings you to hell, Dean? –Adam

Long story. Question is, how did you get out? –Dean

Someone wanted me to find you. –Adam

Sam? –Dean

Nah –Adam

Cas? –Dean

Bingo – Adam

Crap –Dean

Don’t tell him where I am! –Dean

Well a deal’s a deal, Dean. I sort of have to. –Adam

Dude, you don’t understand! You can’t tell him about me! It would be better if everyone thought I was dead! –Dean

Uh huh. –Adam

You should probably stay away too. You can’t trust me, Adam! Nobody can! –Dean

That’s no news to me. You said I was family and you’d protect me. Look how that turned out. –Adam

No, not that! It’s something even worse! –Dean

Worse than leaving your little brother in hell? –Adam

I said I was sorry. –Dean

Look Dean, I don’t really like Cas, but he did save me, and he seemed pretty damn worried about you. –Adam

Adam, you can’t tell him. Please. He’ll try to help me, and I’m far beyond help. –Dean

Sorry Dean, but a promise is a promise. Next time try to remember that, yeah? –Adam

Shit –Dean

 


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam doesn't care what Dean says. A promise is a promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while. I realize my updates are sporadic at best, so thanks for sticking with me.

Found Dean. –Adam

So he is in hell? –Cas

Yep. Down here, just like you thought. –Adam

Is he okay? –Cas

I guess? I don’t know, something’s wrong. He keeps saying “It’s not safe,” and weird stuff like that. –Adam

It would seem that things are just as I feared. –Cas

Yeah. Whatever that means. –Adam

May I speak to him? –Cas

Sure, I guess. Here, I’ll set up his connection. I did it once before, right? –Adam


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long, guys! School's been crazy like you wouldn't believe! But summer break's here now, so enjoy your update!

Dean? -Cas

Hey, Cas. Guess you found me. -Dean

Dean! I... I thought you were dead. -Cas

Surprise! Guess you're not that lucky. -Dean

Are the stories true then? Did the mark...? -Cas

Turn me into a demon? Yeah. It did. -Dean

I am sorry, Dean. Had I only known... -Cas

Don't beat yourself up over it, man. None of us could have seen this coming. -Dean

So what then? Are you...? -Cas

I haven't killed anyone yet, if that's what you're worried about. But the urge is strong, Cas, even stronger than before. I'm a knight of hell now. The blade wants me to kill, Crowley wants me to make deals... It won't be long before I start giving in. -Dean

You won't. I know you won't. I believe in you. -Cas

That's sweet of you to say, Cas, but we both know it's only a matter of time. -Dean

No. -Cas

I think it'd be better for everyone if you just gave up on me. Please. -Dean

You know I can't do that. -Cas

Yeah, I know. That's why I didn't contact you. -Dean

You can't tell Sammy, alright? -Dean

Dean- Cas

Please, Cas. I'm begging you. -Dean

You don't have to do this alone. We can help you. We can fix this. -Cas

No, you can't. -Dean

It isn't safe. Just leave me be. -Dean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is all kinda awkward after season 10... but let's just call it my own personal alternate season, (plus a lot of random stupid humor), alright?


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas isn't about to give up on Dean. He reports back to Sam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think you guys deserve at least one extra chapter, don't you?

Sam, it would seem I was right. I've found Dean. -Cas

And he's really...? You know... -Sam

He is a demon, yes. -Cas

Shit. -Sam

Crap. -Sam

What do we do? -Sam

He's refused help, but I still have just enough of my grace left intact to go and recover him. -Cas

Just enough...? What does that mean, exactly? Will you be okay? -Sam

It doesn't matter. Can you start demon-proofing the bunker? -Cas

Demon-proofing...? Cas, how bad is he? -Sam

He still retains much of his morality, as far as I can tell. I am only taking necessary precautions. Prepare nothing that would seriously harm him. Just paint a few devil's traps and make sure we have salt and holy water on hand. -Cas

Sure. Right. Of course. I'll also get the exorcism tapes. They should be fine, as long as I don't play them to completion. -Sam

Alright. -Cas

Cas -Sam

Yes, Sam? -Cas

Couldn't we just summon Dean? -Sam

We could, but I fear that Crowley would intercept the call. He has been keeping a close eye on Dean. -Cas

Shit. -Sam

It is indeed quite unlucky. Besides, I have only spoken to Dean over text message since the event we will not be speaking of, and I think that it would be best to confirm all of this with my own eyes, -Cas

Of course. Good call. -Sam

I swear that I will do my best to recover your brother, Sam. He will be returned safely to his former self if it's the last thing I do. -Cas

Thanks, Cas. It means a lot. -Sam

Certainly. You and your brother are all I have, really. Goodbye, Sam. -Cas

Goodbye -Sam

Oh, and Cas -Sam

Yes? -Cas

Be careful -Sam

I shall try my best, Sam. -Cas


End file.
